i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
