Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like, not good at living.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
