went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
