Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
