So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
