This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
