If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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