Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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