Betty ford says i'm here all night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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