Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
