I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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