Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
