her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize