my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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