I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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