2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize