I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The Olympian is in my bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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