I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
