Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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