while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
