my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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