the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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