Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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