Will you blow on my dice?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
