my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
