my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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