my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
