I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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