let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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