I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
