My room smells like vodka and shame
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
