You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
