pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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