Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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