I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
