i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
