i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
