There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
