Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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