I didn't shave. On purpose
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize