You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
