then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
