I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
