Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
