Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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