Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
