if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
