Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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