the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
