We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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