i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
