Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
