you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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