how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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