he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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