A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
