you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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