i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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