There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
