you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
