needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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