So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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