The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
