god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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