I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
