i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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