don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
