Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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